Settle in with a cuppa because we're about to embark on a journey that'll make your Instagram feed weep with envy. Forget bumpy Land Rovers and dodgy mosquito nets, we're talking about an ultra luxurious safari and island escape. Think eight days of pure, unadulterated bliss, starting in Kenya and finishing in the Seychelles. Sounds a bit much? Maybe. But honestly, who am I to judge when the canapés are this good and the views are this breathtaking? So, what exactly does an "exclusive luxury safari" entail? Well, for starters, picture this: waking up in a ridiculously fancy tented camp in Kenya’s Masai Mara. And when I say tented, I don't mean the sort you wrestle with for hours. I mean a canvas palace with a four poster bed, a roll top bath, and a personal butler who anticipates your needs before you even know you have them. I swear, mine had a sixth sense for when my gin and tonic was nearing depletion. It was a dangerous skill to hone. Your days will be filled with what the brochure charmingly calls "game drives." This translates to being chauffeured around in a plush, open top vehicle with your own private guide. No jostling for position here. You’ll be sipping chilled champagne as you watch a pride of lions snooze in the shade or witness a herd of elephants lumbering past. Honestly, it feels less like a safari and more like a very exclusive wildlife documentary, and you're the star guest with the best seat in the house. I even had a moment where a giraffe, bless its lanky neck, peered into the vehicle. I tried to look sophisticated, but I’m pretty sure I just gurgled with delight like a happy toddler. After a few days of this wild opulence, it's time for the second act: the island escape. You’ll be whisked away to the Seychelles, specifically to a private island resort that probably has more staff than guests. Think pristine white beaches, turquoise waters so clear you can see your toes (and the occasional exotic fish), and more infinity pools than you can shake a very expensive cocktail at. Here, the pace slows down, but the luxury doesn't. Imagine snorkelling in vibrant coral reefs, followed by a private dinner on the beach under a canopy of stars. Or perhaps a sunset cruise on a sleek yacht, with nothing but the gentle lapping of waves and the distant silhouette of palm trees for company. I’m pretty sure I spent most of my time questioning reality. Was this actually happening? Was I dreaming? Had I accidentally stumbled into a very well funded holiday advert? The beauty of this kind of trip is that it’s designed for you to utterly switch off. No worrying about logistics, no queuing, no stress. Just pure indulgence and the chance to witness some of nature’s most magnificent spectacles, all while being treated like royalty. It's the kind of experience that makes you reflect on the sheer privilege of it all, and perhaps, just perhaps, makes you question if you can ever go back to regular holidays. Don't worry, I'm still wrestling with that one. Pass the canapés.