I’m about to tell you about a safari so posh, it makes Downton Abbey look like a pub crawl. We’re talking Singita Faru Faru, a place where the wildebeest probably have their own personal chefs. Honestly, after a few days here, I was starting to think my own wardrobe needed a serious upgrade. Who knew you could look so chic while dodging a grumpy rhino? So, three days, a private plane, and a lodge that probably costs more than my entire life savings. The jet itself was a delightful little number, whisking us over the Tanzanian plains with all the effortless grace of a well bred butler. Touching down at Faru Faru was like stepping into a real life nature documentary, only with far better champagne. The lodge itself is this stunning blend of contemporary cool and rustic elegance. Think infinity pools overlooking watering holes, linen draped over everything, and staff who anticipate your needs before you even realise you have them. I swear, I thought about needing a gin and tonic, and one materialised in my hand. It was… disconcerting. And glorious. Day one was all about getting our bearings and, more importantly, our first taste of the wildlife. We hopped into a gleaming open top vehicle, more like a bespoke mobile lounge than a safari vehicle, driven by a guide who knew every single creature’s family tree. Within minutes, we’d encountered a herd of zebras looking remarkably unimpressed by our presence, followed by a family of giraffes casually munching on acacia trees. It’s a funny thing, seeing these majestic beasts in their natural habitat. You feel utterly insignificant, but in the best possible way. Like a tiny, well dressed ant marveling at a skyscraper. Evenings were a masterclass in understated luxury. We’d return to the lodge, showered off the (minimal) dust, and indulge in gourmet meals under the stars. Think dishes so artfully prepared, you almost felt guilty eating them. Almost. The wine cellar, naturally, was a treasure trove. I found myself contemplating the deeper meanings of life, usually after a particularly excellent Cabernet. Is this what enlightenment feels like, or is it just the altitude and the excellent service? Day two saw us venturing further afield. A dawn game drive brought us face to face with a pride of lions, lazily stretching in the morning sun. Honestly, they looked so relaxed, I half expected them to ask for a newspaper. We also spotted a solitary leopard, a creature of such exquisite stealth it felt like a mythical being. Our guide, bless him, was a fount of knowledge, pointing out birds I couldn’t even pronounce and explaining the intricate social dynamics of the animal kingdom. I tried to take notes, but mostly I was just mesmerized. The sheer exclusivity of it all is what really sets Singita apart. There were no crowds, no jostling for a glimpse of a lion. Just us, the incredible wildlife, and the feeling of being utterly, wonderfully removed from the everyday. I even found myself contemplating the merits of giving up my entire existence for a life of observing elephants. Thankfully, the return flight brought me back to reality, albeit a reality that felt a little less exciting. On our final morning, a sunrise walk offered a more intimate encounter with the bush. The air was crisp, the sounds of the awakening savanna were a symphony, and for a fleeting moment, I felt like I belonged there. Then, a rather large dung beetle trundled past, and I remembered I’m more of a “comfortably appointed spectator” than a rugged adventurer. Still, for three days, I lived the dream. Singita Faru Faru: it’s not just a safari, it’s an experience that’ll make you rethink your definition of ‘holiday’. And possibly your butler service expectations.