Right then, let's talk about a proper knees up. Not the sort with questionable sausage rolls and Aunt Mildred's questionable karaoke rendition, but an altogether more refined affair. I'm talking about an eight day ultra luxe fly in safari, bouncing between Madikwe and Chobe. Honestly, if you told me a few years ago I’d be describing a trip involving private charter planes and champagne breakfasts overlooking a watering hole, I’d have probably snorted my tea and asked if you’d been at the sherry. But here we are. So, you land at Madikwe, and it's less airport hustle, more gentle unfurling. The lodge, oh my word, the lodge. Think less corrugated iron and more cool, crisp linens and views that could grace a postcard. Your "bungalow" is more like a mini mansion, complete with a private plunge pool and a butler who seems to know what you want before you do. This is the kind of place where ‘roughing it’ means deciding which designer loungewear to don for your afternoon nap. The game drives here are a revelation. Forget jostling for a view with twenty other Land Rovers. Here, it’s usually just you, your utterly charming guide (who probably has a PhD in rhino etiquette), and your photographer companion who’s silently judging your shaky iPhone snaps. We saw a pride of lions having a proper chinwag, their cubs tumbling about like overgrown puppies. It’s moments like these, when you’re sipping a sundowner while a herd of elephants ambles by, that you start to question all those years spent staring at spreadsheets. Was it worth it? Probably not, but this certainly is. Then, it’s a quick hop in the plane to Chobe. And let me tell you, the Botswana side of things is a whole different kettle of fish, or rather, a whole different herd of elephants. Chobe is famous for its sheer volume of wildlife, and it does not disappoint. Imagine a river, and then imagine that river is the main highway for what feels like every elephant on the continent. It’s utterly biblical. We took a mokoro, which is basically a dug out canoe, and drifted amongst them. It felt ridiculously serene, punctuated only by the occasional trumpet blast and the gentle plop of a hippo disappearing beneath the surface. My inner explorer, who usually only ventures as far as the biscuit tin, was thoroughly impressed. The accommodation in Chobe continues the theme of decadent delight. Think opulent tents that make your bedroom back home look like a shoebox. We’re talking four poster beds, freestanding bathtubs, and staff who are so attentive, you’ll start to feel a pang of guilt for ever having to pour your own drink. Evenings are spent recounting the day's sightings over exquisite meals. I found myself musing, as I tucked into perfectly cooked steak, about the inherent absurdity of my previous life of rushed commutes and lukewarm coffee. This, my friends, is what it’s all about. Honestly, this safari is less about survival and more about supreme comfort, sprinkled with jaw dropping wildlife encounters. It’s the kind of trip that makes you feel like royalty, albeit royalty who occasionally needs a guide to point out the difference between a wildebeest and a very large, very hairy cow. If you're looking for an escape that whispers luxury from every angle and roars with the untamed spirit of Africa, then this, my dear reader, is it. Just don't blame me if you find yourself contemplating selling your sensible shoes upon your return.